Proper 14 A, August 13, 2022
by Brooklin Taylor, intern
Matthew 14:22-33 NRSV
Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
It had been a long night, not only were the disciples exhausted miraculously feeding a huge group of people earlier that day, they had also received word that one of their friends, John the Baptist, had just been murdered for his subversion of the empire. An event that not only grieved them but filled them with fear, as well. Perhaps, Jesus did not want his disciples staying in the same place for too long with threats like that lingering in the air or perhaps he just really needed some alone time. Whatever the case, he sends them away on the boat ahead of him while he dismisses the crowds and takes some time to pray. But as evening came, the story says, …their boat, battered by the wind and waves was pulled out to sea because of a bad storm.
As the shore got further away and the wind continued to swirl, I imagine the hands of the disciples were bloodied as they clung for dear life to their ores that night trying to get back to where they came from. I imagine their arms were numb holding all that fear for so long. Maybe you know that kind of fear, the fear that sits as solid as a rock on their chest. Fear of the storm, fear of what might happen next, fear of their inability to handle it, fear of the unknown.
So, of course, when the disciples looked up and saw Jesus hovering over the water, like the spirit of God hovered over the waters of chaos in the Genesis story, they assumed he was a ghost representing their death.
But instead of announcing their end, Jesus gently moves towards them. “It’s me” he says, “Don’t be afraid. I see you in this storm and I am here.”
“Don’t be afraid.”… What a ridiculous statement. Fear is the only thing that makes sense to the disciples at this moment. In the middle of night, in the middle of the sea, in the middle of the storm, fear seemed like, as perhaps it does now for us, the only appropriate response.
Trauma studies tell us that there are 3 responses to fear in our brains. Flight, fight or freeze. There was no option for flight here in the middle of the raging sea that night, just as there doesn’t seem to be any way to get away from the many things that create fear in us today – global warming, extreme weather, isolation, pandemics, racism, etc. But in our story today, we see the other two fear responses embodied by the disciples - fight and freeze.
First, Peter shows us the fear response of fight - “Hey Jesus! If it actually is you, prove it. Make me come out to you on the water.” If you are who you say you are, “Make me do something extraordinary. Set me apart from these other men. Grant me an exemption from the laws that bind ordinary people” and I’ll believe it’s you. In the face of fear, Peter pumps himself up and asks Jesus to prove himself. Prove yourself to me Jesus, and then I will believe it is you… I have often responded to storms, out of fear, in this way.
I love how Jesus responds to Peter’s fear, to his pumped up-self-protective, uncertainty, he says, (gently) “OK, Come.” “Well come on then.” As if he knew Peter would have to make things a little more dramatic than they needed to be, Jesus moves toward Peter and welcomes him and his fear out on the water.
We know the story, Peter steps out, takes a few exceptional steps and is, of course, even more terrified than before so begins to sink… but Jesus is already there, reaching down toward him in the middle of the storm, pulling him up, keeping him from sinking. Matthew depicts Jesus asking Peter a question as he heaves him back into the boat. “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Many people have read this question of Jesus as a rebuke of Peter for his fear I wonder if we have misheard Jesus’ tone of voice. Particularly because little faith is often seen as a good thing in Matthew (think mustard seed for example). What if this question not a moralizing of fear at all but rather “a comment on Peter’s grandstanding in the first place.”
“Why did you doubt? I was headed straight for you. I told you who I was.” I know you were afraid but I was already on my way… “if you had just kept your seat for one minute more I would have been sitting right next to you, you and all the others, with no need for that circus stunt out on the water.”
There is also another type of fear response embodied in the story – freeze. As the storm raged on all night, the wind stronger than they could bear, the other disciples, bloodied and worn and panicking, froze in the boat even at the sight of Jesus moving toward them. The dark night had been so chaotic on the sea that even the memory of Jesus’ miraculous provisions for the crowds earlier that day seemed like a lifetime ago. I am imagining the rest of the disciples gripping their oars so tight they can’t feel their arms. Panic filling their whole chest cavity.
I wonder if they even noticed Peter’s little exchange with Jesus as they clinched their eyes tight preparing for what appeared to be their fast-approaching death. Until they are jerked back to reality by the sound of Peter being flopped over the side of the boat and Jesus climbing in. I imagine him looking up, brushing the wet hair off his face, and grabbing his disciples hands, happy to be together again and the storm dies down.
What if this story is not about Peter getting out of the boat but what if it is about Jesus getting into it? Most often I have heard this story retold with a focus on Peter’s movement toward Jesus but to me, the story seems to be about Jesus’ movement toward his disciples with patience and grace for their fear. To me, this is a story not of morals but of movement. Not of heroes of the faith making their way to Christ but of Christ drawing near to his disciples, drawing near to us, in the midst of fear.
If you find yourself in either of those places, fighting or freezing in your fear today, know that you are not alone. Jesus is drawing near to you. Because as Nadia Bolz Weber says: “The truth of the story is that my abundance of faith or lack of faith does not deter God from drawing close. That even if you are scared to death you can say Lord Save Me and the hand of God will find you in even the darkest waters.”
To close, I would like to add one more fear response to the flight, fight or freeze. Its called “flock”. Its the response we begin to see embodied at the very end of our story - when those in the boat worshipped and confessed the presence of God in their midst.
This before the sun came up this morning. I had the privilege of smushing into a filled hospital room around the bed of a dying man I didn’t know. It was my honor to be there and lead them in prayer. It was the middle of night so I probably I didn’t have the right words or do the right things but somehow, in the moment my hands effortlessly joined together with the strangers in that room, I was reminded of the presence of God who is with us even in the midst of our fear.
In our dark, long, chaotic, nights of fear it’s completely understandable to respond by fleeing, by fighting or even by freezing. But, I invite you to take a moment and though it might feel a little weird for a second, grab the hand of the people sitting closest to you (pause) and recognize that we are all in this boat together. This is our flock. and Jesus has come near. Perhaps that is enough to make the storm cease. Amen.
